Please take the time to view my LINKS page:  http://uww.bound.googlepages.com/resourcefullinks 

I will keep updating it with more and more links related to college, financial aid, scholarships, grants, fafsa application, and loans!!!   Please free to send links my way to add to the list for others to view.

I appreciate the time you've taken to read this, please pass along the link of important links to others if you've found it to be helpful and resourceful!!!  Again, thank you for your time.

Lately I have been taking for granted some of the help I receive from my friends.  Sadly, I have recently become more dependant on others as a means of transportation, but get frustrated when I can't get the things done that I wanted to or planned to because I have to work around someone else's schedule.  Mondays are the worst for me trying to get to work currently, but I hope once I can move into town, this will no longer be an issue.

One person in particular I think I have just kind of expected certain things, but lately those things don't come along.  It sadens me, and drives me crazy.  I don't know why I let it get to me... well, I mean, I know why, but why!!!  I just want to let the person know how much I appreciate them for their kindness, but I also don't want to over-step boundaries because their significant other.  I want the courage to tell this person how I really feel about them, without any fear of rejection or consquences. 

Then I come to the thought, maybe this person is also taking me for granted and that is how I ended up starting to take them for granted.  Is that something we pass along through each other?  I need to break the cycle because it is starting to weaken our friendship, and I want this friendship to last!

Attention All College Students!

Please Help.

I'm Looking to start college this fall, but everyone knows the financial burden it puts on us. I'm asking for web site links to scholarships and or grants out there that you recommend. I will also be passing on any informtaion given to me on my www.SugaRose.Gaia.com account through the Scholarship Pod, and on my "Kollege Kay" MySpace account within the UWW Group I'm in. I already have some sites that search for scholarships and grants on my "Kollege Kay" account, take a look in my blog section if you are interested.

Thank you for your time, have a wonderful day!

(P.S. Please contact me through my "Kollege Kay" account @ www.myspace.com/m_kayrose, thank you)

Tomorrow brings happiness and joy!  Another day towards completing my goals.  A fresh start to do good deeds for others.

I have been missing the times when someone had truly loved me, and I deeply loved them back.  It's the best feeling in the world to receive the love back that you give to someone who means so much to you.  I haven't felt that in a long time, only a fraction of what I felt back then have I felt just over a year ago... but that relationship was going nowhere.  Now I "those" feelings again, but I ponder it to just be infatuation... that the other person does not feel the same way I do. 

I've been hurt so many times, that I tend to put up walls, but with this one person, I've tried so hard not to push him away!  We get along so well, we clicked the day we met, but "just as friends".  We can relate to each other so much, I wonder if his heart is truly lost, or if he just plays.  Maybe I just expect it to be a certain way, maybe I'm in denial and just tell myself that just maybe one day there will be that opportunity.  I fear that the day is soon coming where I will give up on this soul.

In all honesty, his heart does lay somewhere else, and I'm just that other girl.  I hate this position, I don't want to be put in this situation... but as a coping mechnicism, I cherish and hold onto the "good" as long as I can, and enjoy it til it's no more!  Why do I put myself through this torture?  Sometimes I tell myself it is pointless to daydream of us running off together, then other days it just seems like it's destiny!  I just have to be patient.  I hate being impatient.

I ask everyday for a clear sign of what's to become of "us"... and still, my head is clouded on any type of future that I dream of.  I tell myself to just move on, I build the courage to, but then when I see him, I just can't do it!  Something about his presense... he brightens my cloudy days.  He can always make me smile, isn't this defined as love?  What I've just explained?  I don't understand how that is possible when I can't do the real things I want to with this person... I just have my small doses of him.  I want to cuddle!  I want to make real memories!  I want to do so many different things to build a strong bond but I can't.

Simply put, he is Mr. Unavailable (for me to have).  This is starting to really mess with my emotionally.  I almost just want to cut off our connection, but then I don't, because we do have our times when we can talk.  We have our serious conversations, we make each other think... we know we have our faults and understand that we make mistakes because we are only human.  We both understand life is tough, and we deal with it... we move on.

I find myself thinking of this person EVERYDAY!!!  Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me because I allow him to just pop into thought.  I don't know, I'm done trying to explain.  I know in the end, I will end up broken hearted, but til then, I'm making myself completely vulnerable to this one person, because I hold onto that little peice of hope I have of any type of future together, and not just as friends!  I mean moving in together, getting married, having a family!!!  (The things that are important to me in my life, for my future).  And, I know from in the past, that even if I completely open myself up to get hurt, it's better then blocking any good or bad happening... because just maybe.... just maybe.... sometime amazing will happen!!!


~Kollege Kay

Life... life is energy, energy in motion.

I would march for many things, whether it be a cause, or just for fun, or in a band.  I always wondered what it would be like to march in a band, because I always loved music.  I never did get the chance to learn a wind instrument though.

To march for a cause, there are many causes I would march to.  Any march for a cure!  Generally they have the marches for cancer, children's cancer, breast caner, etc.  Bring the march in my area, and I'm there, in it participating!

I would also march for world peace, but we all know that is inevitable.

If you came down my block asking people to march for fun, I would prolly still join, as long as I wasn't already in the middle of something.  It would be better then just sitting on the couch all day, or in front of a computer.

Yeah, ok, I know this blog is kind of lame compared to the other ones, sorry.  I'm being honest though.

To hear that I am safe is a huge relief.  It's a comforting feeling to have.  No more looking over my shoulder, and no more loosing sleep.  The last time I truly felt unsafe was when I had a stalker waiting for me by my car outside of work.  At first my employer would do nothing about it, I started to get terrified because the cops couldn't do anything until they could actually question him.  I ended up in tears many times feeling hopeless against this guy, and it's not that I am easily scared of people, this guy was the type that came off like he is so lonely and miserable if he can't have me he would kill me then committ suicide! 

Anyways, I know I went off topic, but now I feel safe because he is no longer allowed where I work, and I have not seen him now for about 2 months.  (I also no longer drive, I get rides from people).   Thanks to my boss finally stepping in, along with management.

I know I need a change, and it can't happen over night.  I'm sort of impatient with certain things, and this is one of them.  For example, my attitude needs to change, and because of my attitude, I loose out on some opportunities.  I just wish my trained thinking patterns were easier to change!  "You make your own bed."  So true. 

I know I have to catch myself with the negative thoughts I have, and turn it around to start with.  I need to think of more positive outcomes instead of negative ones.  I can't let one little thing ruin my day.  "Water off a duck's back" sometimes helps, but not always. 

My attitude affects me so much, that with some things I even feel bitter about because I'm always trying to compare myself with other people, and feel they are always getting the better end of life.  It's like I know what I want in life, but I always fall short of it.  I don't understand.

What confuses me more is when older people, for example at my work, are allowed to have attitude but I'm still the bad person.  Maybe it's not so, but I always feel singled out.  I've always kind of been the outcast.  Most people are just nice to me when they see me, but could care less what happens to me. 

I just wish I was truly happy with myself, because then I know it would be that much easier to accept my mistakes, that I am only human, and move on from my past.

Well, I guess that's all I have to say for now.

I always feel defensive when someone is telling me what I did wrong, even when I already know I did wrong, or when they keep rubbing it in my face because they have authority over me.

Depending on the situation, if I am given the time to say "Hey, look, I know I did this wrong..." or "I know I made a mistake...", then I can admit to it without being defensive.  One person in my life right now who I am most defensive with is Lynn Cook.  Something about her whole approach, and her personality wanting to be always right and better then others just gets to me.  I'm not saying she is perfect, or never makes a mistake, but you never hear about it.  She always is pointing out other people's mistakes, especially mine! 

Also, I tend to take things too seriously, so I may get defensive over certain comments made, or remarks I over hear.  Sometimes having a hard time trusting people can make you defensive over certain situations, where normally you would not have a reason to be.  It's all trained into memory how to react to things, a thinking pattern I know I must change.